Here are some fun drinks to make that you and yours will enjoy. I don't have exact measurements as I'm a very sloppy and imprecise drink mixer.

1. The Young Pioneer- Drink a little under half of a bottle of cranberry juice, fill the rest up with Aristocrat. Alternately, mix this in a glass. It's pretty hard to fuck up.

2. The Unhappy Marriage- Aristocrat mixed with soda. Don't do this, it reflects poorly on you and it tastes pretty poor too.

3. Tuscon's Lament- Drink the vast majority of a bottle of Arizona iced tea, fill to the top with Smirnoff.

4. Bucket Wine- Mix grape juice with any vodka; if done right, it tastes like a low-quality wine, perhaps one that was fermented in a bucket.

5. The Mighty Mountain Wumpus- Purchase a two-sphered bottle of Pom brand pomegranate juice (you'll know when you see one), drink the juice down to bottom sphere, fill the other with Aristocrat. A fair warning, you'll get mild alcohol poisoning from this.

6. Jungle Juice- Using a barrel, cauldron or large industrial drum, mix Kool-Aid with any availible hard alcohol.

7. The PLO Terrorist- Mix a Sobe Adrenaline or Monster energy drink with Aristocrat. Enjoy feeling sick and unable to sleep.

Drinking is terrible and shouldn't be done by anyone, but, if you must do it, follow my easy, cheap and minimally foul-tasting recipes that probably have better names and ingredients of higher quality elsewhere.